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Another weekend alone...  

whoisagentj 54M
663 posts
5/18/2019 7:04 pm

Last Read:
5/19/2019 2:11 pm

Another weekend alone...


Saw my yesterday and it allowed me to recharge my batteries yesterday. Had a long talk with my about her being dumped and told her that she wasn't the only one that was dumped recently as I told her about my lunch date that failed. I think it made her feel better knowing that being dumped can happen to anyone. It's not fun, but you move on and overcome it and find someone that's better for you.

I woke this morning, still tired, but I knew I had stuff to do. I got up, ate, showered and shaved, did a ton of laundry for my folks, mowed the front and back yard, and ran out just in time to go grocery shopping and stop and get some hot dogs at a local joint near my house, and rolled in just in time before a storm hit. It wasn't too bad, but after that, I took a small nap, and then continued with the house cleaning.

I just deleted two paragraphs you will never see because there are some things even I want to keep secret.

It's a Saturday night and I am here alone in my room by myself again. I've masturbated 2 times today, and it doesn't help the feeling of me being alone. You know, I would rather trade in sex with one of the hottest women with her being subservient to my every whim just so I could hold someone and have them love me. I hate being alone. Hate it. Ever here the phrase "shit or get off the pot"? This is one of those moments.

I'm near 50. I'm lucky if I can stay up past 11 as I get tired. I feel old. Unloved. Alone. I want to fall asleep in bed with a woman that loves me. I want that feeling of spooning her, naked in bed just the two of us, and being totally relaxed. I can barely remember that feeling. That feeling of being safe with her next to me.

Instead, it's another Saturday night. By myself.

I'm just tired. Tired of having to deal with my mom sick. Tired of being alone. Tired of work, of bills, of my ex-wife, of not being able to get the things I want in life.

I'm just sick and tired. And tired always follows sick. Sorry, bad Bill Cosby joke there.

Last week I bought a 12 pack of condoms thinking on the off chance I was going to use them. They are still sitting on my desk in the back, unopened. You know why I bought them? Because the other pack of condoms I bought back in 2014 were past the expiration date so I tossed those unopened box of condoms to get the new ones. Why? I don't know. I probably won't use the new one's I just got either.

I'm sorry. Maybe I need to go to bed early and get some rest and hope tomorrow will be better. I'm sorry for dumping on you guys. I normally try to stay positive for my blog readers to help them out. But tonight...I need a lot of things...sleep, hope, hugs (real actual hugs), a shoulder to cry and vent on. Instead, I think I might be going to bed early.

Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...


Agent


pocogato12 71F  
37235 posts
5/19/2019 5:04 am

Very open and very succinct and I know JUST how you are feeling mentally and emotionally. I do not know how long it lasts but it is getting very old. I am not giving up

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group


whoisagentj replies on 5/19/2019 6:01 am:
Well, I think as you get older and alone, the more you feel vulnerable to being by yourself with no one to share things with.

civic_chick 37F
2 posts
5/18/2019 11:28 pm

Aww I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope things look up for you soon .


whoisagentj replies on 5/19/2019 5:59 am:
Thank you. Sometimes just writting it down allows me to sort of get it out instead of bottling it inside and exploding.

SillyWill4fun705 37M

5/18/2019 7:40 pm

wishing you the best


whoisagentj replies on 5/19/2019 5:57 am:
Thanks Silly. It's most appreciated.

bitchkitty2017 71F

5/18/2019 7:37 pm

Lonely is right do not under any circumstance give in ..i do not understand why people have to be so freaking mean..I am not the most positive person in the world but i consider myself a good person and being stood up over 20 times since coming on here you think i would learn a little something ..but no i refuse to think all people are bad and not worth a second look......I met a couple nice guys just not a feel right kind of meet ...make sense? still trying though because i am not a quitter....and when you write your blog tell it as you feel ..we are all here to help and understand what you are going through...


whoisagentj replies on 5/19/2019 5:57 am:
Thank you BK. Like I said, I'm just going through a rough patch right now and I had to vent it out. I appreciate you all being here for me.

lonlyforlove2 81M
32704 posts
5/18/2019 7:25 pm

Agent J. what ever you do , Don't give up. I went through nearly 20 years of something similar, it can happen, have faith , get up each morning and say "next" knowing that there will always be a next day, a next meet, a next smile, just another next... read my first few blogs, way down at the bottom of 5th or 6th page...

Stop by at lonlyforlove2
also see Lunch with Lonly , we get snow tomorrow
Check my blog on New Community, "A photo of my big Pecker"
also, " My Sunday afternoon with the kids'


whoisagentj replies on 5/19/2019 5:55 am:
Thanks LonlyforLove. I'm sorry, I just had to vent that out. I'm just going through a pretty rough spell at the moment.

whoisagentj 54M
6060 posts
5/18/2019 7:06 pm

Not sure what else to put here...

Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...


Agent


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