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Land Of Vanilla?  

New2Midlo 54M
653 posts
1/20/2019 7:12 pm

Last Read:
1/21/2019 4:47 pm

Land Of Vanilla?


Some additional drivel on my ongoing (lack of) dating experience, otherwise known as my path to being a loser who can't get a date.

As an update to the previous entry, it turns out my dating foray may not last much longer, anyway. I've pretty much exhausted Match's members who meet my criteria (i.e. at home, age, education, etc.), beyond those who are way the hell out of my league and vice versa. Seriously, I just checked and there are only a handful (I hide those to whom I send emails and don't respond).

Despite the lack of interest, here in Kansas, I did manage to go on a date, last weekend. She was interesting to talk to, and we both had a good time. We shared an interest in human behavior, so that wound up filling a large part of the conversation. I'd written a full entry about our trajectory, but it failed the 'is it sufficiently interesting that I'd read it' test. So, here's the whole thing in a Campbell's condensed version. I said, "We all have our traumas. I went on a dating tear after my marriage ended, jumping from woman to woman, due to the fear of intimacy caused by my wife's borderline personality disorder. I didn't recognize the signs until I encountered this beautiful woman who was so detached in bed, I stopped the encounter. Oh, and I chatted with a black woman who wanted me to wear Klan robes." What she heard was, "I've had a steady stream of nympho supermodels flow through my bedroom and they were all freaks."

Insecurity ensued ('I'm concerned I won't live up to your past experiences&#39), culminating in a conversation in which she told me she wanted to see me again, then actually slut shamed me, and finished by calling me a misogynist (she never read the 'I don't date men' entry), in so many words. Just when you don't think you have any firsts left to experience, someone comes along and proves otherwise.

Needless to say, she was escorted to the metaphoric door and ejected. I've had other women express concern about my history, when I've shared it, but this one had some insecurities that smelled a lot like I'd smelled before, in women with abandonment issues. From what she shared about her previous relationships, I'd be surprised if they weren't present.

Shit, still longer than I'd hoped, but we'll soldier on to the main point I wanted to make. When I was attempting to allele this woman's fears, I was also trying to feel her out for sexual compatibility. I don't do Tab A into Slot B vanilla sex; there's a level of intensity that must be present for me in the bedroom. So long as my partner is open minded to new experiences, I'm good with her being inexperienced. Without those traits, things never go well. But despite my best efforts, she never shared a damned thing on the topic of sex. Before anyone comments that she may have just chosen to be classy, or some shit, let me point out that a. women much classier than she were much more open and b. that was the only thing she chose to be classy about. Anyway, that led to my revisiting interactions I'd had with other women, here in Hell and to my suspicion that I'm living in a sexual wasteland.

To establish some context, back home, there were very few women with whom the conversation hadn't at least tangentially touched on sex long before the second date. Not the 'here's what I'm gonna do to you' sort of chat; just feeling each other out on the capability to satisfy one another. Here, not so much. More importantly, there was only one woman in RVA I dated who wasn't either dirty or a blank slate for dirtiness. She had some serious hangups about sex, which were rooted elsewhere in a place I never had the interest in going.

Again, from what I've encountered here so far, not so much. If we throw out Klan Girl as a flyer, and look at the rest of the population (i.e. who I've interacted with), there were a number of women who made it clear sex was potentially on offer for the first date and those who acted upon such an offer. The first woman I slept with (out of a whopping two) was willing to explore. The second, who I dated for a few weeks was only into Tab A / Slot B. Granted, it was fairly good Tab A / Slot B, but even after establishing some trust with her, she summarily dismissed anything further. I had some dirty talk with the out of work trophy wife, but her idea of an amazing fantasy was a skirt, without panties, and play in risky places. Hell, with my previous partners, we called that 'Thursday'. But I was rebuked over my aberrant fantasies I tried to force on her (known to previous partners as 'a quiet weekend'. Then, there was the one who wanted to fuck, but asked if I had to degrade a woman to get off (previous entry).

Admittedly, my sample size here isn't nearly as large as that back home, but the percentages are quite alarming, just the same. Garnering interest from women is difficult enough, at the moment, but what happens when I finally do meet someone I enjoy spending time with, only to find she considers anything beyond vanilla off the table? Looks like I may be celibate for the remainder of my stay in Hell, because I just can't deal with boring sex.

As God is my witness, you'll take my restraints away when you pry them from my cold, dead hands, you vanilla fucks!

New2Midlo 54M
1075 posts
1/20/2019 7:12 pm

Give me spanking and hair pulling or give me death. Yes, I'm amused


bitchkitty2017 71F

1/20/2019 7:27 pm

wow gonna take a special woman to want to be with you that's for sure .And she sure will have to fill some real stilettos as well..


New2Midlo replies on 1/20/2019 7:58 pm:
You might think it would take a special woman to satisfy me sexually, but you'd be missing part of the story. This could be another entry, but I'll do some more condensing. If you read back a few pages, before I landed here and was having fun in civilization, you should be able to identify a trend. Very few of the women I've dated were properly dirty, when we first got together, so I broadened their horizons. Because of how I treated them with respect and as equals outside the bedroom, and how inside, they knew my focus was solely on their pleasure (their words, not mine), every one of my previous partners expanded their boundaries, while we were together. So long as she has an open mind to new experiences, I'm perfectly content. Read about my Turkish FWB, who had only been with her husband (who finished before he got out of his pants) before me and didn't know how to give a blowjob. She's the perfect example of what I'm talking about.

Time2Look44 50M

1/20/2019 9:34 pm

Good luck with the search


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