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I love you, but only for 5 years  

Platosgames 102M
2244 posts
12/7/2018 2:29 pm
I love you, but only for 5 years


Just when I thought I was getting older and wiser. Maybe, just maybe, had started to figure out all this relationship and sex stuff, along comes the future. Well maybe not the future, just what this psychologist is predicting. Makes me breathe a sigh of relief, cause I could have predicted a while back that lots of predictions wouldn't come true. And I'd be right. Wait...did I just contradict myself. Anyways.

His take on long-term relationships.

"Flexible marriage contracts. One-size-fits-all “''Til Death Do Us Part” marriage contracts will increasingly be replaced by a continuum of renewable marriage contracts that could last from one month to a lifetime.

The traditional heterosexual lifetime marriage contract will fall further out of favor because of women’s increasing financial independence from men, the decline in the kind of religiosity in which copulation without marriage is deemed sinful, and because of the anger many women are feeling toward men, deeming them privileged, oppressors, mansplainers, etc. Fewer women will want to marry a person of a gender they resent. Conversely, fewer men will want to wed a woman who harbors strong resentment of men."


Wow, sounds like someone is a little negative on both sides of the gender coin. But you know, I do see a lot of idiotic men on this site, that certainly have a lot of women pissed off.

But let me see if I have this straight.

So women won't want to get married, well at least not for life, Cause they're making money? The whole religion thing is just silly. I was raised Catholic, was a active Christian , and I can't say it ever even crossed my mind over whether I wouldn't have premarital sex because of it. Guess going to hell.

The last sentence, "wed a woman who harbors strong resentment of men", is a little out there for me as well.

While sure there are women who harbor resentment of men..I think most just don't like rude or obnoxious men. To me, that sounds a little closer to the truth. But I could be wrong. not a woman.

So..I myself, would never enter into a "5 year marriage" contract. Would you? not marrying someone because I think we'd get along for at least 5 .

Did you, or do you, not have sex without marriage, because of religious beliefs? This sounds sorta dated if you ask me.

Are there any of you women out there that hate me, or resent me, just because a man. Be gentle with me, but I can take it.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/7/2018 2:31 pm

It's a brave soul that would try to make predictions on what the future holds for relationships and how they will work in the future. I have enough trouble figuring them out in the present.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
12/7/2018 2:58 pm

Being of a 'dated' age - I originally planned on saving myself for marriage. Until I realized that I really didn't want to get married!

Resent you? Of course I do .... every time you call 40 degrees "cold"!

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
12/7/2018 3:00 pm

You know the man's phrase "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"

Here's the woman's equivalent "Why take the whole pig for just a little sausage"

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


Tmptrzz 61F  
107039 posts
12/7/2018 3:38 pm

I am so sorry my friend but I am calling BS on his advice that's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I was the financial supporter of this marriage for many years always had my own money. So now that he's retired he supports me and I don't feel bad for it as I do everything for him!!!

And communication with your partner is what keeps the sex life nice and strong. Happy Friday and I hope you enjoy your evening..

Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on..


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/7/2018 3:40 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    Being of a 'dated' age - I originally planned on saving myself for marriage. Until I realized that I really didn't want to get married!

    Resent you? Of course I do .... every time you call 40 degrees "cold"!
Haha...well I can't argue that point.

And the little sausage line .

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/7/2018 3:42 pm

    Quoting  :

I think you're first line is exactly correct. Seems like the more far out the idea is, the more notoriety it gets.

And I'm with you, if I"m gonna get married, it's not gonna be with expiration date on it.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/7/2018 3:43 pm

    Quoting Tmptrzz:
    I am so sorry my friend but I am calling BS on his advice that's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I was the financial supporter of this marriage for many years always had my own money. So now that he's retired he supports me and I don't feel bad for it as I do everything for him!!!

    And communication with your partner is what keeps the sex life nice and strong. Happy Friday and I hope you enjoy your evening..
Yeah...I was trying to keep the post non-judgemental, but I agree. It all sounds like a lot of physco mumbo jumbo to me too.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/7/2018 5:42 pm

    Quoting  :

Yeah..I have a lot of respect for people who've been married for a long time. It's not always an easy thing to do, but it sure shows commitment.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/7/2018 5:45 pm

    Quoting  :

I think thats the crux of the problem. Some people grow apart. Others probably should have never gotten married. But some , even though they change and grow as the years go by, seem to find a way to grow together.

And I would have to agree with your last statement unilaterally. It seems to me, nothing is the same anymore.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/7/2018 5:48 pm

    Quoting  :

LOL... I love your last line.

Like Lala said, I would have to believe it's a guy looking to say something just off the wall that will garner attention. Of course, I'll have to eat crow someday, if there are timed marriages .

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


pagancountrygirl 66F
6466 posts
12/7/2018 5:48 pm

I can see the attorneys with dollar signs in their eyes over this one. Can you say breach of contract?
Wherever this idea came from, it's just crap. Another way to help screw up our already screwed up society.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/7/2018 5:50 pm

    Quoting  :

I really didn't think anyone would agree on here...however, I haven't seen any male responses, so....

I'm with you. Marriage is a giant commitment. If you're just agreeing to stay together for 4 or 5 years...why even marry?

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/7/2018 5:51 pm

    Quoting pagancountrygirl:
    I can see the attorneys with dollar signs in their eyes over this one. Can you say breach of contract?
    Wherever this idea came from, it's just crap. Another way to help screw up our already screwed up society.
I hadn't even thought of that. Now the attorneys can get in on both ends...Write up and file the marriage agreement and the divorce papers..and some breach of contracts.. maybe throw in a NDA just for the sake of it.

Good catch.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


SeaGirlFL 60F
9220 posts
12/7/2018 6:41 pm

Haha...an NDA on a marriage...does that mean I can't tell anyone he snores, or leaves his underwear in the middle of the floor...lmao...oh, that is cracking me up...

But, to address your questions...I'll join the rest and comment this guy is full of BS. I would not enter into a marriage with an expiration date. Yes, marriage is a contract of sort, but it's based on emotion, it's not a business. And you just can't predict what emotions you will feel in 5 years. Part of the getting married bit is trust and commitment...and, it just seems to me that throwing a time limit on the whole thing is the opposite of all of the reasons I'd want to get married.

Um...sex outside of marriage...it's got nothing to do with religion for me. I was not raised in a religious family, so that wasn't part of the decision. I waited until I was nearly 20, but that was because I wanted to finish college and did not want to be one of those girls who had a baby before I was done.

I don't resent men...well, okay, sometimes my ex...but there are reasons for that which took 26 years to build up...sooo...um, no. Sure there are some rude men, but as the saying goes, one or two bad apples aren't going to spoil the whole crop. As a matter of fact, I think men are immensely fascinating, and I love learning what makes them tick. They are all so different and interesting. Sex doesn't even need to be part of the equation, I just like spending time with them. (Taking math and science classes in college, I was often one of few women...a couple of science classes I was the only female in a class of 36...lol. Oh, fun times.) Anyways, I'm just as comfortable spending time with men as I am spending time with other women.

Why is it when you ask questions I write a novella??! lol. *sigh* You should just be glad I haven't been drinking, then it would be a book.

"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/8/2018 5:03 am

    Quoting SeaGirlFL:
    Haha...an NDA on a marriage...does that mean I can't tell anyone he snores, or leaves his underwear in the middle of the floor...lmao...oh, that is cracking me up...

    But, to address your questions...I'll join the rest and comment this guy is full of BS. I would not enter into a marriage with an expiration date. Yes, marriage is a contract of sort, but it's based on emotion, it's not a business. And you just can't predict what emotions you will feel in 5 years. Part of the getting married bit is trust and commitment...and, it just seems to me that throwing a time limit on the whole thing is the opposite of all of the reasons I'd want to get married.

    Um...sex outside of marriage...it's got nothing to do with religion for me. I was not raised in a religious family, so that wasn't part of the decision. I waited until I was nearly 20, but that was because I wanted to finish college and did not want to be one of those girls who had a baby before I was done.

    I don't resent men...well, okay, sometimes my ex...but there are reasons for that which took 26 years to build up...sooo...um, no. Sure there are some rude men, but as the saying goes, one or two bad apples aren't going to spoil the whole crop. As a matter of fact, I think men are immensely fascinating, and I love learning what makes them tick. They are all so different and interesting. Sex doesn't even need to be part of the equation, I just like spending time with them. (Taking math and science classes in college, I was often one of few women...a couple of science classes I was the only female in a class of 36...lol. Oh, fun times.) Anyways, I'm just as comfortable spending time with men as I am spending time with other women.

    Why is it when you ask questions I write a novella??! lol. *sigh* You should just be glad I haven't been drinking, then it would be a book.
LOl...yeah, the NDA's could prove useful.

Well, you just write what you want to write. I was going to say, anyway, your's was a response with some thoughts behind it.

We already live in a world of "for better or worse, but not for long". Putting an expiration date on the marriage would just seem to be another easy way out. So yeah, I think the guy is way off base. Also with his assessment of men and women. You just can't generalize either sex. Everyone is different, and I think most women think like you have stated.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/8/2018 5:07 am

    Quoting  :

See, that's another point. You'd have to change up the vows. "Till death do us part, or 5 years, whichever comes first". LOL

Thanks Joy...and again. I can't think of any woman I know that really hates men, or resents them all that much. At least not in general.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


jajo696 113F
4287 posts
12/9/2018 1:50 am

I've always felt that the " death do u part " contract was unrealistic. To think that one person can satisfy the needs of another forever is a bit nuts. People are living longer and long term relationships are fraught with challenge and sacrifice. If all things are equal ....not so bad. However it's never equal and the one who does the most sacrifice becomes different , perhaps resentful. People grow in diff stages n places n times and often not together. People settle into that comfy realm of roomates. Nothing wrong with that either, we all have to define what works for us....despite societal norms. Then don't even get me started on ...if one partner loses their sexual desire...for whatever reason. Does that mean the other must somehow lose theirs too ,or give it up, or just deal with it. I think people need to contract for 7 yr increments, then re assess and re negotiate. Maybe even take a break to find out the grass over there>>>>> is not any greener. Yes....the children aspect needs to be carefully considered....because once they are here ...it's all about their health and welfare. I too would love to hear the makes chime in on this. Just my dos centavos!! Cheers to All


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/9/2018 5:21 am

    Quoting  :

That's a really good point. I mean, lot's of marriages don't stand the test of time, but if so many people were unhappy with the idea of marriage, no one would be getting married. Personally, I wouldn't see the point in marrying any one for a specified time. How do you put a time limit on love?

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/9/2018 5:23 am

    Quoting  :

Was sorta funny none of the guys piped in. There's a couple who I would have liked to hear their opinions.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/9/2018 11:46 am

    Quoting  :

Exactly. If you're not sure you can make it past 6 months, or even a couple of years, then you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

I think the ones that evolve, but don't lose sight of each other are the ones that last.

Grats on 23 years.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


yesmamallthetime 56F  
11278 posts
12/9/2018 9:18 pm

I guess it would take a lot for me to marry again. Finding someone who wants to marry me being the biggest thing. Ha! I guess that is all I am willing to admit about it. LOL It would be nice to be asked though.

I think you are a cool dude who is very evolved and reasonable. So no resentment toward you. I kind of wish you would clone yourself sometimes... Send one of your clones up here to NH. One that likes cooler weather of course. LOL

Independently Romantic Sounds Better Than Lonely


Platosgames 102M
3189 posts
12/10/2018 5:21 am

    Quoting yesmamallthetime:
    I guess it would take a lot for me to marry again. Finding someone who wants to marry me being the biggest thing. Ha! I guess that is all I am willing to admit about it. LOL It would be nice to be asked though.

    I think you are a cool dude who is very evolved and reasonable. So no resentment toward you. I kind of wish you would clone yourself sometimes... Send one of your clones up here to NH. One that likes cooler weather of course. LOL
Well thanks..those were kind words.

We'd have to do some genetic modifications. I think my hatred of cold is buried in my genes.

" I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx


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