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The Dossier of Agent J
 
These are the not-so secret files of Agent J.
He is a terrible super spy, but he's a really good guy! So stop by and read these musings he posts. They are hilarious!
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Some Tuesday thoughts...
Posted:Jun 4, 2019 12:19 pm
Last Updated:Jun 14, 2019 9:30 am
19245 Views

Update on my mom:
Yesterday she was supposed to have a major test to see if the cancer has shrunk or gotten smaller with the chemo. Unfortunately she was to have a dye test done, to see if the cancer had gotten smaller and she would have cat scan done to see if the cancer has shrunk. The problem was the nurse messed up the dye test and the dye oozed out of her arm and the test was ruined. Along with my mom can't move her arm now and it will take her a couple of days for her to try and redo the test all over again. On top of , my mom's face is starting to swell and she's looking worse than I've ever seen her before under the chemo. I'll be honest, I'm scared for her, I really am. I know I have to accept one day my parents will pass on. It's a reality I know will happen. I just hate seeing her in such pain like this.

**********

One of the plusses I have working alone is when someone at work pisses me off, they don't know because I can swear my ass off at work and because I work in a remote location all by myself, no one knows if I'm mad at them or not. I am grateful though, because today I was swearing up a storm as some of the stupid people work my company. And I'm grateful I have a full time job. So while I might have to deal with some stupid people, at least I've got a job that's steady. I hope it stays that way.

**********

I think I figured out why some women don't like me or my profile. It's because I'm so real and honest, it scares them the hell away from me. Some of them probably can't handle it. Of course, it's just an excuse I tell myself. I honestly don't know why my luck has been so bad here.

**********

I have 19 more days left of GOLD status here. I probably will need to alter my profile again soon to reflect I'm going to be a standard member. I'll be honest, I have talked to a couple of women here, but for the most part, it's been pretty much a big failure for the 3 months. I've been giving some serious thought to shutting down my profile altogether, but I know some of you actually do read my blog and like reading it. I'm debating staying here, but I do like to blog and write stuff. However I don't know what will happen or not. What do you think? Should I stay or should I go? Do I fully leave and shut down my profile completely, or stay to at least blog and keep posting? I'm not really sure what to do. I also talked to one of my friends here and she's even thinking of shutting down her profile and blog here as well, so I have no clue if I'm going to stay, partially stay and just blog, or just shut down altogether and move on.

I will say this...if anyone wants to give me their personal info to where you want to be friends, or however you want to stay in touch, give me your info now, because I'm planning on not renewing here at Horny.net. I've come to the conclusion while this might work for some people, I tried it give it one more shot and I don't think it's going to work here. I'm really debating on giving another place to do some online dating elsewhere, but I'm not sure what I want to do yet. I know that I had to at least give this place one more shot to see if it would have worked or not, and honestly it hasn't. And I know a couple of you have said it wouldn't, but I had to try. Regardless, you've got 19 days left to contact me, so if you want, send me your info via message or leave a private post upstairs in my blog to contact me if you like.

***********

So we're now in June. Which should be summer. But to me, it doesn't feel like summer. It just feels like any other normal day. To me it just doesn't feel like it's summer. Probably because I don't have anything planned for this summer to be honest. I have the days off, but really...I just don't feel like doing anything special. I'm not sure what to do, and even if I did, I know I feel like I need a good couple of solid days off to rest and relax. I don't really yet have the money saved up to go anywhere. But I need to do something. Go somewhere. I dunno, I just feel a bit down is all.

***********

OK that's all I got for the time being. I'll post something else later.
2 Comments
Where are all my wiafus at? (japanese Anime and cartoon fans unite!)
Posted:Jun 3, 2019 9:00 am
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2019 9:56 am
20221 Views

I love Japanese Anime! There are so many different styles of Anime to watch. I was an early adapter to Japanese Anime. My first was Speed Racer. When I was a , I would rush home so I could catch Speed Racer on the local channels for afternoon cartoons. Man, watching that was awesome when I was a . I grew up on it! Which might explain why I'm such a lead foot on the highways and expressways sometimes. LOL!

Seriously though, both Japanese Anime and cartoons in general are awesome. I could write a 10 thousand word blog post listing all of the Anime and cartoons I watched, but I honestly don't have the time for it. I admit I'm not too huge on hentai, because some of it is just way the fuck out there, but hey, I won't knock it too much because everyone has their own taste. But still I love watching Japanese Anime because the Japanese have made it an art form. In fact cartoons in general, the different drawing styles, even the Pixar stuff or today's cartoons are just amazing to watch.

I think the reason I love Japanese Anime the most is some of the stuff is very thought provoking. The topics that Japanese Anime covers regarding how future technology will effect our future and our humanity is amazing. It gives me such hope and joy for the future in some instances and fear in other regards as well. Japanese Anime also covers how people struggle against good and evil and the areas of gray in-between. Sure some of it might be corny as hell, but other times, the emotions it draws out watching this stuff, it really can touch the hearts and minds of people. When I was younger, some would look down on you if you watched Japanese Anime, like you were a freak. Nowadays, Japanese Anime is more mainstream than ever. More and more people are accepting it in droves.

Even today's normal cartoons and digitally animated cartoons are effected by Anime, and the animation styles of people drawing stuff now is fading fast in change for how studios are using computers to draw things. It's amazing how current technology is effecting things today.

The one thing though for me is this...I'm a 49 year old man. Who loves watching cartoons and Japanese Anime. So for some women, it's nor normally accepted. They think that it makes me immature, but that's not the case for me. I think it allows me to accept different styles of television or movies so that people can understand there are different norms our there. Just like people who are gay, or straight, or bisexual or transgendered or cisgendered, however you want to look at it, there are different styles of movies and television, and...cartoons out there. Whether you enjoy the old Tex Avery cartoons, Warner Bros. cartoons, Disney, Pixar, Marvel or DC cartoons, or Japanese Anime in it's different styles...there is a different flavor to enjoy as well.

So to the people reading this, do you like watching Japanese Anime or cartoons in general? What are your favorite cartoons or anime? Do you think cartoons are immature or do you love watching them and don't care what others think if you are immature or not? I would love to hear your thoughts!
4 Comments
Wearing my heart on my sleeve (a special Sunday double post!)
Posted:Jun 2, 2019 5:55 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2019 8:34 am
19452 Views

Yes, you are blessed this Sunday. Not because God deemed this a day of rest. But because I have another topic to talk about today! LOL!

I want to thank one of my posters for giving me the idea for this topic. It's one I definitely wanted to share.

I never try to out my blog posters. But one of my blog posters questioned something on an earlier blog. Of course, I posted a new blog in response to how my day wasn't going well. Well she replied back again with an apology about how she didn't want to tear into me, but she felt bad about how my sex life wasn't going well and that she didn't want to see me get hurt. Thus she cautioned me that maybe I shouldn't allow myself to become too emotionally invested in these women, which as of late, I haven't had good luck with, thus she saw me getting emotionally hurt or upset over how some of these women have treated me. That's the condensed version of it.

Of course, my response...well, for me, I understand where she's coming from. I get it, it would be easier for me to hide my feelings, to put up walls to keep myself from getting hurt, or upset all of time. And for me...I think it might be less embarrassing that I didn't share every single thing about my love life. And I don't all of the time, but most of the time, I'd rather wear my heart on my sleeve. Why?

See, I don't want to live my life where I put up walls to protect myself. If I do that, then those walls don't allow me to show my love for others, or be able to help me express myself fully. I want to be open and expressive with my love as much as possible, or in short, it allows me to be emotionally open.

When I was married, I thought I was in love. However, one of the worst things for me happened in which my ex-wife changed as soon as I was married. Before the marriage, we used to have sex a lot and on a regular basis. Once the honeymoon was over, she became emotionally distant. In hindsight, I believe she might have cheated on me and because of that, she fell out of love with me. I have no proof of it, but we went from having sex on a regular basis to not having sex at all. In the last years of our marriage, we had sex twice....in a three year period. She always complained that I was the one pushing for sex, asking for sex. We rarely kissed, held hands, touched, or did anything together. Yet when we were with her family, she put up a front that we were a loving couple.

In the end, what I did was I tried talking to other women to ask for help to save my marriage, she caught me, and accused me of "emotionally cheating" on here. And....she was right. It was only until I was separated and then she filed for divorce proceedings did I actually physically cheat on her. But in my heart, my walls had emotionally shut down. I fell into major depression. I didn't eat for over a week. I rarely slept. I lost my job. My life was in ruins, and I felt miserable. In order to save myself, the only thing I could do was to go to my AA meetings, and I sought the help of a psychologist to help me.

After getting help, I slowly turned my life around. I made major changes in my life, in which I promised I would do what I could to never lie to myself or others and to tell the truth, no matter how painful that truth might be. Instead of all of the walls I had built in my life, I had to tear them all down. It was highly painful, but in doing so, it allowed me to feel again. I focused deeply on myself and my in order to keep going in life.

Today, my life is radically different. I would rather wear my heart on my sleeve, and show others that it's ok to feel and allow myself to share my pain, rather than bottle it in. When I bottled it in, it would fill until I exploded in such rage that I would lash out at everyone and everything, and it wasn't healthy, because I would emotionally strike out at my family members. Today however, when I have a problem or an issue, I deal with it as soon as possible, And this blog...helps in tremendous ways, because it allows me to get advice, and to vent out my problems from you, the readers. I never get a shortage of advice from you folks! LOL! And that's a good thing, because I can focus on my mental and emotional health. Ultimately, even though I get hurt, and I share my pain with you, the readers, it still allows me to deal with the pain I experience.

Now, that doesn't mean that I run around blindly into every situation, wanting to get hurt all of the time, NO! I still try to use my intelligence and my experience to deal with things I do know. So I don't throw up a wall, but I use my smarts and my "spidey-sense" to figure out what's going on, and it helps me to know when to emotionally invest in someone or not.

Do I still get upset when someone hurts me or breaks my heart? Absolutely!
Do I bitch about it here? Yep.

But I'd rather wear my heart on my sleeve than throw up the walls again. Why? Because I don't want to go back to where I was before. I've been down that road, and that road....sucks. I'd rather suffer the slings and arrows a thousand times over from women who would hurt me, just so I can stay open emotionally and find that ONE person that wants to be with me for who I am. Who would love me for who I am.

And no, this doesn't make me a pansy, or a pussy, because I share my emotional problems with you guys. I'm able to share who I am because THIS IS WHO I AM. I allow myself to share my emotional feelings with others than be an emotionally crippled person. And yeah, I still know when to be smart about my emotional problems or issues, I might put my trust in a bit slower than when I was younger. But I'm a lot wiser now.

My life isn't perfect. It's been...a long journey. I've made mistakes, suffered, dealt with pain and anguish. This....rollercoaster I've been on...there have been a lot of lows. But there have been some highs as well. And the coaster is still going in my life! I hope one day things will be better. I always hope for a better day and keep my faith that one day things will indeed be better.

But I will never stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. You see me as I am. And while there are some things I regret in life I've done, I proud of the person I'm becoming. It's not easy...but man, it's been a hell of a ride so far!
1 comment
Moving forward (just keep swimming)
Posted:May 31, 2019 7:17 am
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2019 6:59 pm
17784 Views

Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming....

You think that's just Dory the fish being herself...but it's actually a great philosophy. When you're weary, your tired, and you can't see to keep going on...just keep swimming is a great way to keep moving forward. Even when bad things happen, you have to keep moving forward or you will be stuck in misery, pain and sorrow.

I've had a painful past. I think all of us have had problems. But how you overcome them and keep moving forward...well, I'll be honest, there have been times I've wanted to curl into a ball, cry and moan, and just want to stay there, forever. But you can't live life like that.

Another line that really make up my philosophy...

"That which does not kill you...makes you stronger." -Frederick Nietzchie(?) (my favorite intro of any movie from Conan the Barbarian...

As of the past couple of years, I owed over 9 grand in debt to my ex regarding back support payments. I asked her that once I got back to work, I would slowly over time pay back the money I owed her, once I could get back on my own feet and get a solid job. Well I got a solid job last year. And I've been feverishly doing what I could to pay her back, piece by piece.

As of today...I will owe her no more in back support payments. I pay her the last 182 dollars I owe her plus today's normal support payment, and then I'm back to regular support payments.

I'm free of one of my biggest debts. YAY! LOL! Plus, I'm a firm believer in being an active father, and one of my duties is paying what I owe. Plus I want to be there for them when I can. And today...I'm no longer owing my ex money. Which means I don't have to hear her tell me "Where's my money you owe me?" I'll still have to pay regular support, but I'll gladly do that. I hate owing people money. HATE IT. And now, I'm free. Why? Because I just kept moving forward. I kept on focusing on my goal.

With that said, I now have a NEW goal...get my credit card debt paid off in full. If I can do that, I'll be finally able to start saving some money for myself And I hope that can be done by the end of the year.

Speaking of moving forward...the two women I was texting...well...one of them is gone. The other...well I don't even think she's seen my text yet, because she hasn't even replied back. The one that did however told me she didn't want to meet up this week. So I asked when and she replied back that she didn't know. I'm sorry, but with all do respect...that's not going to cut it. So...I cut her out of my life and I'm moving forward.

One cannot be stagnant in life. You have to move forward, or at least move on. Even if you are moving sideways...the goal is that if something or someone blocks your path, you keep moving so you can find away around it, and keep moving toward your goals, whatever they may be.

If you are reading this and you're down in a rut, just know that others are struggling too. And most importantly, Just keep swimming...
2 Comments
I hate juggling...
Posted:May 29, 2019 9:22 am
Last Updated:May 29, 2019 7:14 pm
18983 Views

One of the things about dating is when you are just starting out, you end up talking to at least a couple women at once. This is not a strong point of mine. You see, I'd rather be focused on one woman at a time, and not multiple women. And right now, I'm doing just .

Now, let me be upfront here...I'm not cheating on any of these women. Right now, I'm in the early dating stages. I'm texting multiple women at this time, and I have not met any of these women. So right now, I'm still free as a bird at the moment. However, the moment when one of these women actually steps up and meets me and they want a relationship, and I commit to relationship, 's when I have to cut the others out.

Now, if they ask me am I talking to other women...ehhhhhhhh, 's when shit starts to get tricky. Look, I want to be honest here and I don't want to lie to any of them. And for now, I'm not. But women can be a fickle mistress. Even if I'm up front and honest and if they ask me "Are you talking to other women?" I'm not going to lie about it. However, women are funny and even if I'm honest and I tell them "Well, I am talking to some other women at the moment because no one has stepped up yet to want to actually meet me or become involved in a relationship with me, so yes I am talking with other women at this time to get to know them.", some women might not like I'm playing the field so to speak. They might not be mature enough to understand it.

Right now, I wish one of them would step up, but for now, I honestly feel like a parakeet at the moment. I keep asking to meet up with these women, and they ignore the question repeatedly. And it's not I'm thirsty...it's just I want just ONE of them to step up to the plate so I can meet and talk with them to see if they are indeed someone I can carry a relationship with or not. But instead, I have to keep juggling them like a bunch of giant chain saws.
1 comment
What a crazy weekend!
Posted:May 28, 2019 7:24 am
Last Updated:May 29, 2019 8:35 am
19513 Views

I'm back! I needed a couple of days away from the site and from everything as I was getting a bit tired. And I'm glad I had the extra day off, as I was able to use it to take it easy with my .

So...Friday...I got home and I did a ton of house cleaning and outdoor work, getting the outside front and back yard mowed for the weekend. The back yard was a muddy mess, but I had to get that grass done as it was like a jungle back there as the grass was about a foot long. It took a while but I got it sort of back to shape.

Saturday was...sort of a good day. I did some food shopping for Memorial day and we got my dad's car detailed and cleaned up on the inside as it was a mess. And I was able to squeeze in a well needed massage to help me relax and take it easy!

I also did respond to a couple of messages here, and as of now, I'm talking to a couple of people here as possible prospects for a relationship. For now, while I'm talking to people here, a couple of the people gave me either TALK NOW or Google numbers where they are strictly just texting me, in order to feel me out, I guess. I don't know if stuff will pan out between us, because I'd rather meet in person than talk over text. I hate texting. But for now I'm playing their games, because lets face it, if they were truthful and serious about meeting me, they would have given me their real number and I would have set up a meet with them already.

I also got a message from the woman who stood me up that one Sunday. She claimed she's been busy for over two weeks solid and that she's a workaholic with a crazy schedule, thus that's the reason why she's been busy. And that when I last messaged her about giving her a "second chance", she didn't like the wording that I was giving her a second chance, but rather she was giving ME a second chance. WTF? And that she was made to feel that I was coming down on her because she failed to show up and that my wording of me giving her a second chance made her feel inferior for some reason.

Which wasn't the case at all. I tried to explain it to her that why she feels that I was coming down on her for failing to show up that I wasn't trying to beat her up over her not showing. And she apologized for it in a previous message to me, and that I did in truth try to give her a second chance, because I feel everyone does deserve a second chance. But it's been over two weeks since her last message to me. If she was at least sincere about working out a meeting between us, she would have made time out of her busy schedule to contact me and she could have just take two minutes out of her time to say, "Hey, things are a busy right now. I do want us to get together and see each other, but I promise to get in touch with you soon to set up another meeting." However, she didn't. And...I know she's been here on the site during the two weeks she "CLAIMS" to have been busy.

So I messaged her back, told her how I felt and left it to where she needs to tell me if she wants to continue going forward or just this whole thing a wash and leave it at that and the both of us to move on in different paths. And she hasn't replied back....again. Which is why I'm talking to others as well because frankly, I can't be bothered with her trying to guilt me into feeling that I was the one that stood her up, when I didn't or that I'm making her feel like bad because I'm giving her a second chance. I told her a second chance is wiping the slate clean and starting over. But for some reason, she feels I'm making it out that she's a fault. And to be truthful, it is her fault. But at the same time, it's also my fault for not getting more info from her about the meet and getting her number to contact her. Being an adult means taking responsibility for your actions. If I can be a man and say I made a mistake not getting more info and not getting her number, then that's me owning up for my part of the mistake. But her claiming that she was too busy...that's a lame excuse, when I know I've seen her on this website in the past two weeks. If you had time to be here, you had time to take 2-3 minutes out of your life to message me and say "Hey I'm busy right now, but I am still interested, etc..."

She didn't even have the time to do that.

Monday was a good day, because I had my over at my house with my mom and dad. It was a good afternoon at first, as we grilled some hot dogs and hamburgers around noon, sat outside for a bit, and relaxed. Until...the rains came. HOLY mackerel, we had a tornado headed our way as the sirens went off. We gathered everything from outside, put it away, and then hunkered down inside the basement with the TV on. Luckily the tornado funnel clouds skirted a bit north of us, and we missed it by a few miles but those rains were crazy! We must have gotten at least 3+ inches of rain and the sewers were all clogged up with helicopter petals from oak trees so streets were flooded. But we still had plenty of food inside and we reheated it, and watched movies in the downstairs family room. For all of the storms we had, it was still a nice day.

I then got the back to their house in the 2nd wave of the rain storms, I got soaked, and had to drive back home wet. I got back home, ripped off all of the wet clothes, took a warm shower to warm up, dry off and went back downstairs to relax with my folks and watch some more war movies with my dad.

All in all, this weekend was good, as I got some stuff done and was able to at least relax and take it easy. It wasn't a perfect weekend, but I feel rested, and my mind is a lot more clearer than last week. Hopefully because this week is short, it won't be that bad. And I can hope things are on the rise for me.
3 Comments
Thank goodness for this weekend...
Posted:May 23, 2019 6:47 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2019 3:12 pm
19468 Views

Yeah I know it Thursday. The weekend isn't really here yet. However, I'm going to need these three days off to recuperate.

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Had yet another person who said she lived in Illinois but later found out she lives in Beaufort, SC. WTF? I'm almost wondering if because I'm reporting all of these profiles are scammers they are actively contacting me to try and get me frustrated into stopping or quitting the site altogether. It's getting ridiculous, because I get IM'd with the same messages daily, like they are mirrors, word for word copies. It's tiring, but if they keep it up, I can keep reporting them as fakes.

***********

My tomorrow is going on her Junior prom, so I promised her her, I and my would all get mani/pedis today as a fun bonding moment between myself and the . It should be fun, I'm looking forward to it. Hope she has fun.

***********

Now the weather is getting nicer, I'm getting a lot more hornier. I've gone from the normal one a day to two or three times in one day. This normally happens when I get frustrated, my masturbation increases. Normally this can be fun, but when it's like this, it's not. Also when I get like this, I want to fuck. And not having a partner, makes it worse. When this happens, I'm known to go 2-3 hours straight and have a fuckfest with the woman I am with, if I have a woman, in order to get it out of my system. But when you have no woman to be with, it's not fun. It's just irritating and makes me cranky and upset. Ever get like ?

***********

I have no plans at all this weekend. I hope something happens. I might go to see John Wick this weekend. Maybe all of the violence and excitement will help me relax. LOL!
1 comment
They keep trying, but I'm not gonna let them win...
Posted:May 21, 2019 6:52 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2019 6:07 pm
20973 Views

I got two different messages yesterday. The first was from someone I had already determined they were a fake. But I had already given them my number a while back. So I told them they already had my number. So they texted me. At first I thought, wait....what if this person isn't a fake?

But lasted about a minute. After interrogating them via text, I found out the person:

-has a cellphone, but only gave me a TEXT NOW subscriber number. I hate these fucking numbers. Basically they registered for the TEXT NOW number, but they have to for actual phone calls. In a society in which we have over 90 percent have cellphones, this person decided while I gave them my number in trust, they couldn't trust me with their number and instead gave me a TEXT NOW subscriber number.
-in the midst of the conversation, the person said they couldn't give me their number because of security reasons. (bullshit, red flag #1)
-in the midst of the conversation, the person said at the time, they are currently out of the state of Illinois. So they are not in the Chicago area at all. (red flag #2)
-at the end of the conversation, they got upset and blamed me for accusing them of being from Africa, which they got upset about. So then I changed tactics and said, oh my bad, you're one of those India scammers instead. At point, they shut up. So I was off one continent. (red flag #3)

At point, I blocked their number and deleted their message and reported the account for false information.

The other person sent me a message which I had also deleted suspecting them of a fake account. I sent them a reply back saying was what they sent the last message and the last message before . I reported account as well.

Today I got another message from a third person, in which I also suspect they are a fake account because I asked them some questions, and they skipped right over any questions saying they are looking for someone to love them in which they could end their search forever in some flowery message. It was something in the back of my head saying, no normal person would talk like , because the message rambled on. I mean the sentence structure made sense. But it just didn't feel like normal human conversation. So I asked her more questions and told her to answer those and I said if you can answer those, then maybe I'll give her my info. My gut is screaming don't send her anything, so for now the conversation is on hold until I get questions answered.

So they keep trying, and I keep reporting them and will continue to do so until they stop or I stop. Not giving up just yet...but maybe one day I will after I get tired of this site as they continually do nothing to fix the problem of fakes, scammers, and catfish.
2 Comments
Don't like it? Change the channel.
Posted:May 20, 2019 7:09 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2019 8:53 am
22919 Views

One thing I can say is that while America is still dealing with issues on freedom, this is still a good country to live in. Not to alienate others outside of the US who're reading this blog, I still welcome my international visitors here, but America for all it's problems is still a good country to be in.
One of the things my dad taught me was regarding how things are here in society. He always told me as an avid television watcher, ", in America, we can at least be free to say if you don't like what's on the television, you can change the channel."

And he's right. So yesterday, I got a reply on my last blog post which got me thinking. I won't single out the person who posted it, I try to stay away from drama where I can. But that person questioned me, in a roundabout manner, as to why bother changing something and complain when you know it won't make a difference. And I won't attack that person, as that person has every right to question me and ask me why even bother? Why be so salty? Why does it even matter? Why complain?

Here's my reply. Because it's my right to do so. And if even one person reads it, and says to themselves "Hey, you know, maybe he's right? Maybe I should follow his advice.", then I've done my job. If I can change even one person, it's a change for the better. Look...I'm not perfect. I don't claim to have all of the answers. Maybe me raging against the dying of the light won't do a damn bit of good. But I won't accept it, and just like Rodney Dangerfield said in Back to School, "I'm not gonna take crap from nobody! Who's NEXT???"

So here's the thing...I have my ups. I have my downs. I offer advice sometimes to those who want to be better and see a change in their lives. If you want to take it, awesome. Don't want to listen? Fine.

Change the channel. You are more than welcome to read someone else's blog and go elsewhere. That's the beauty of a free internet. You can go to someone else's blog and read that one instead. Or comment and tell me to off. And I'll comment back and tell you to off too! Politely of course. LOL! The point being...this blog isn't for you. It's for me. It's for my entertainment and my sanity. This blog helps me to vent out when I need to vent out, because I even if I have friends and family, I can't vent on them all of the time. Some times my blog posts will have good or even great news in them. And sometimes, I'll be bitching up a storm about how people have no consideration or manners in an attempt to change their thought process. Or it might be absolutely goofy shit in an attempt to try and make you laugh.

In short, my blog...is my blog. I welcome advice and I give advice back, I could be wrong, yeah I could right. I could black I could be white, I could be right I could be wrong! (Love that song from Public Image ltd., it's so out there) And by all means, if you don't like it? Change the channel. But of course...maybe I'll have a better blog post tomorrow. That's the beauty of my blog. It's real, it's live, and tomorrow is a better day.
3 Comments
READ A PERSON'S PROFILE BEFORE SENDING A MESSAGE
Posted:May 19, 2019 5:37 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2019 6:38 am
24146 Views

I wasn't going to post today. I needed a bit of some time alone today to recuperate. To sort of take care of myself today and just gather back my thoughts and some mental and emotional strength today, with Sunday being the day of rest that God gives us.

Instead I got a message today, from someone local who's a gold member. I thought it would be a good message. And...I got this instead:

Hello and how are you? would you be my sex slut, sex slave, sex sub and roleplay partner. Lets explore reasonable boundaries, try new things, be sexually adventurous and have fun. If you are interested in what I seek, feel free to write back .
5/19/2019 6:32 pm


Here's what I sent her:
Honestly...?

See,here's the thing...I would rather have an equal partner that loves me as much as I would love them. I'm ok with being a sub sometimes. But I also want to be dominant as much as a sub. Take turns. Share each other. Get to know each other. Have fun together and maybe fall in love with each other.
It sounds like you want a cuck. That's not me. I want someone willing to both give and receive love, and I don't think that's what you want. Besides, I'm 49 years old. I'm somewhat overweight. I want a woman to want me for who I am.

Did you read my profile? My blogs? Do you know who I am? Or did you just think that because I look like I do, I'd just fall in line just to get a sample of your goods? I might be hard up. I might not of had a girlfriend in a couple of years. But it doesn't mean I'm desperate.

Now...what do you say to that?


When I went to check, she never even looked at my profile. It was just, BAM!---here's my message, do you want to be my slave?

Folks...please...use the brain God gave you. Or for those that don't believe in God, that's fine, use the common sense that's you've been given and learned throughout the years...and READ THAT PERSON'S PROFILE before sending a message! For crying out loud people!

Look, I just had to erase several lines about people's intelligence levels here, because I don't want to come off as sounding arrogantly smarter than other people here. And even that line...that was arrogant to say, so forgive me for saying it. And here's the thing...I know there are people, MUCH SMARTER than I, but it irks me to say I feel some people just do not use the common sense given to them.

It really bothers me when someone sends me a message and they've never looked at my profile. I mean, how do you know I'm the right guy? I mean, I might like putting pickles in women's vagina's as a sexual fetish! (Ladies, I don't like putting pickles in a woman's vagina as a fetish, I made that up as a hypothetical) Seriously, I could be highly mentally disturbed. Least that's what my ex wife thinks. If you just send a message to someone not knowing what I like, how do you know I'm the right guy for you? And the same thing goes for gay men. I get a ton of messages and IM's from gay men asking me to suck my dick, or me suck their dick, or something involved with dick. No offense to the LGBTQ people reading this, but I like women. If you read my profile, it says that. And I have no issues with any of my readers who are from the LGBTQ community, but some of them are thinking with their little head and not with their big head because I still keep getting messages from gay men, or trans people asking me to be with them. And I'm sorry, but that's not my cup of tea. I just like women. Who can read my profile.

In short...make sure you read a person's profile first. Trust me, I've read scores of profiles from lesbian women, some I would really like to get with, but because they like women and they say that they only like women in their profile, I don't send them messages. With the exception of maybe asking if they could help me be a wing mate and help me find a woman, in which they laugh, because we're in direct competition sort of...

Just be respectful. If you see a photo of someone you like, click on that profile, if you can that is, and read that person's profile. If you can't, see if that person has a blog, so you can talk to them there if you are a standard member. If you are a standard member, reading blogs is a great way to get to know some people here. If you see them in a chat room, talk to them first before asking them out. But there is no excuse if you are a gold member or a VIP member. Read that person's profile.

That's all. Thanks for reading.
7 Comments
Another weekend alone...
Posted:May 18, 2019 7:04 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2019 2:11 pm
22516 Views

Saw my yesterday and it allowed me to recharge my batteries yesterday. Had a long talk with my about her being dumped and told her that she wasn't the only one that was dumped recently as I told her about my lunch date that failed. I think it made her feel better knowing that being dumped can happen to anyone. It's not fun, but you move on and overcome it and find someone that's better for you.

I woke this morning, still tired, but I knew I had stuff to do. I got up, ate, showered and shaved, did a ton of laundry for my folks, mowed the front and back yard, and ran out just in time to go grocery shopping and stop and get some hot dogs at a local joint near my house, and rolled in just in time before a storm hit. It wasn't too bad, but after that, I took a small nap, and then continued with the house cleaning.

I just deleted two paragraphs you will never see because there are some things even I want to keep secret.

It's a Saturday night and I am here alone in my room by myself again. I've masturbated 2 times today, and it doesn't help the feeling of me being alone. You know, I would rather trade in sex with one of the hottest women with her being subservient to my every whim just so I could hold someone and have them love me. I hate being alone. Hate it. Ever here the phrase "shit or get off the pot"? This is one of those moments.

I'm near 50. I'm lucky if I can stay up past 11 as I get tired. I feel old. Unloved. Alone. I want to fall asleep in bed with a woman that loves me. I want that feeling of spooning her, naked in bed just the two of us, and being totally relaxed. I can barely remember that feeling. That feeling of being safe with her next to me.

Instead, it's another Saturday night. By myself.

I'm just tired. Tired of having to deal with my mom sick. Tired of being alone. Tired of work, of bills, of my ex-wife, of not being able to get the things I want in life.

I'm just sick and tired. And tired always follows sick. Sorry, bad Bill Cosby joke there.

Last week I bought a 12 pack of condoms thinking on the off chance I was going to use them. They are still sitting on my desk in the back, unopened. You know why I bought them? Because the other pack of condoms I bought back in 2014 were past the expiration date so I tossed those unopened box of condoms to get the new ones. Why? I don't know. I probably won't use the new one's I just got either.

I'm sorry. Maybe I need to go to bed early and get some rest and hope tomorrow will be better. I'm sorry for dumping on you guys. I normally try to stay positive for my blog readers to help them out. But tonight...I need a lot of things...sleep, hope, hugs (real actual hugs), a shoulder to cry and vent on. Instead, I think I might be going to bed early.
4 Comments

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