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What makes a Dominant...  

darknesswins 46F  
348 posts
3/30/2009 12:05 pm
What makes a Dominant...

During the party this weekend someone came up to me and asked me about my history into BDSM and what makes a Dominant.

Being a Dominant means being in control of several at once or simply one person. Being in charge is a lot of work, you don't just abuse someone and call it a scene. You need to be creative, imaginative, understanding, patient, loving, caring, and dammit be a friend to your submissive.

You don't just wake up one morning and go "Oh, I think I'll be a Dominant today!" That's not how it works people. You have to go through training just as a submissive does, how else are you going to do if your doing it right.

There is -NO- and I repeat -NO- such thing as a natural Dominant, and if you think you are I'm sorry but your full of shit. Just because you've spanked someone, had rough sex, or ordered them around doesn't mean you know what your doing. The only way you'll know what your doing is if you know what it's like to be on the other side. I had a mentor train me as a submissive at first then as a Dominant. He recommended several books for me to read and we did a a lot of hands on training with one of his girls I think I had more fun with the hands on training than I did all the damn homework

For beginners I highly recommend the book "Forget the Roses, Give me the Thorns" as your first step to being a Dominant or a submissive. I also recommend that you and your partner fill out what is called the Submissive BDSM Play Partner Check List. It was complied by Tammad Rimilia, who has been recognized as an BDSM Icon for the work he has have done to make the BDSM/GLBT/Leather communities what they are today. For a copy of this list look for it online or message me and I'll send you one.


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inspireme6 58F  
33 posts
3/30/2009 12:22 pm

Good advice, I have issues with being submissive that go way back, but I also know to be a Dom you have to understand the "power" you have over your sub. Not everyone can be either. I think you are a very smart person and I am glad to have talked to you. Hope all goes well

Beauty like inspiration is different to everyone, may you find both on the paths of your life


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